Hair Guy

At least one of these guys is getting a letter from me. In the course of my day-to-day life, I encounter people in passing who I either don’t get to talk to or don’t get to talk to for long enough to sufficiently express my true feelings. Seeing as it’s summer and I have the time, I’d like to send a few letters to these folks, just so they know what I was really thinking when...

As I see it, my options for this update were either a poster for "The Waterboy" or Velazquez's "The Water Carrier of Seville", and as usual I favored the more pretentious choice. In both of my new jobs, either as a Milkshake Technician at Carl’s or as a busboy at Bella Fresca, people keep asking me how I’m liking the work so far. And the obvious answer is, ’Well, I’d prefer...

“Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see“ You watching“ And my straw reaches across the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake!“ -Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood In case you haven“t noticed, I“ve been looking for work as of late. In the past, I“ve...

Product recall in five, four, three... In the process of going to college and moving to Portland, I had to give up a lot of my old toys. Some things were easier to get rid of than others – getting rid of my squirt guns wasn–t too hard, losing the Army men was tougher, and giving away the Beanie Babies just about killed me (not because of any sentimental value, but just because I–d...

See? Teamwork! Oh, why hello there. I was wondering when you'd show up. Why, yes, I have been expecting you. I can?t tell you how prepared I am for this ? honest to Pete, if I?ve heard it once I?ve heard it a thousand times from guidance counselors and professors, ?Be careful what you post on Facebook or in your blog, because potential employers will Google your name!...

I haven't been so much thinking inside the box as I've been thinking about putting things inside the box. A few years ago, when clearing out my grandparents’ house after they moved into a retirement home, my parents and I were shocked to find all the stuff they’d accumulated over the 40-odd years they’d spend in their 3500 square foot North Portland abode. As veterans of the...

All this and more await you in... Salem! I’ve never made any secret of the fact that I hate my former hometown of Salem, Oregon. For those of you who read this and for whatever reason love Salem, that’s cool ’ I’m not saying that Salem is bad, I’m just saying that it’s boring and slightly depressing. As you’ll remember, I spent the Memorial Day weekend in sunny...